


of paranoid plotting and punched pillows (or: of hallucinations and hope)

by slytherinaleister (irlbigfoot)



Series: Endless Summer Ficlets [3]
Category: Endless Summer (Visual Novel), PlayChoices
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sleep Deprivation, Spoilers for Chapter 16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 21:49:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10648740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irlbigfoot/pseuds/slytherinaleister
Summary: "leave me be, for heavens' sake!"





	of paranoid plotting and punched pillows (or: of hallucinations and hope)

**Author's Note:**

> hey everybody!  
> in the final chapter of endless summer, mc can choose to rescue grace or raj, both of them, or neither. i took a week off to gather enough diamonds to rescue both of them, but not everybody was able to do so- and heck, maybe some just didn't want to.  
> this is my take on what happens after the gang goes through the portal and returns back to the hotel, six months later- sans diego, raj, and grace. i doubt they're going to go charging into the jungle straight away- they'll probably take a couple days to come up with a plan or something- so, this story is about aleister's first night without grace.  
> i hope you enjoy!

To say that Aleister was upset would be a bit of an understatement.

Not only that, but he was torn. Part of him saw the logic in the decision, knew that the risks were too great and that Bridget had simply made the rational choice. Normally he would admire the blonde girl’s shrewdness- she had come far since first arriving on the island.

The other part of Aleister didn’t seem to care about pesky things such as  _ strategy  _ and  _ sensibility  _ , because he couldn’t help but think that Grace would’ve been worth it, would’ve been worth almost dying or more.

Aleister  _ despised  _ this feeling. He despised how unabashedly irrational and reckless he felt, how he had half a mind to run into the jungle with a sabre himself. Aleister valued control, and right now he didn’t feel as if he even had control over his own mind, much less anything else going on in this damned island. He’d never felt this way for anyone before, never felt such a willingness to do absolutely  _ anything  _ to help someone else, and to be frank… it scared him.

And so- in order to prevent himself from doing anything so idiotic as attempting to rescue Grace himself- after launching a few scathing remarks at the very girl who had decided to abandon Grace, he retired to his chambers not long after arriving back at the hotel, then proceeded to throw himself into concocting a foolproof plan to save Grace from the Watchers. (And the others too, he supposed.)

Aleister spent the entire night holed up in his room, hunched over at the desk shoved in the corner and scribbling on a small notepad he found in the bedside dresser, room illuminated only by the lamp placed on the desk. Occasionally he would get up to pace around in agitation, and when he was particularly frustrated (which was more often than he’d care to admit) he would kick a wall or punch his pillow.

As the night went on, Aleister found his hands were beginning to tremble. He dismissed it, and continued to write and steady his hands best as he could.

Then, shadows began to move out of the corner of his eyes. Most would have probably gotten the hint by now to get some sleep, but Aleister was a man on a mission. And so, he simply turned off the lamp, and flicked on the overhead light.

The dancing silhouettes disappeared. “ _ Ah _ ,” He sighed in relief, the fluorescent lights searing his eyeballs. “Much better.”

Aleister continued to work, until perhaps ten minutes later.

The man froze, back straightening up with a near-audible snap as his (oddly heavy, he noted) head whipped around, appraising the room.

For a moment, Aleister had heard an unintelligible whisper in his ear, a murmuring, dream-like voice that almost sounded like…

_Aleister... Everett Aleister..._  


He flinched.  _ There _ ! There it was again, now on the other side.

Heart pounding, he quickly rose from his chair, adrenaline pumping with nervous energy, but no clear place to direct it. Aleister began to pace, long legs propelling him around the room speedily as the-

_ look at me _

breathy-

_look at me_  


voice-

_ look me in the eyes you selfish coward _

continued-

_ oh? are you alri _

_ look at me _

to-

_are you alright?_  


float-

_LOOK AT ME_  


around-

_ come find me _

him-

_no_  


mockingly,-

_i don't NEED you, i don't WANT you, i_  


_ toying  _ with him. Aleister flicked off the overhead lights in the hopes that it would sooth the voice, only for it to grow  **L O U D E R** .

_ look at me  
_

_ foolish _

_ look at ME _

“ _ Get out, get out, get out _ ,” He snarled under his breath, hands gripping his pale hair in chunks.  “Leave me  _ be _ , for Heavens’ sake!”

_ look at me _

_ selfish _

_ foolish _

_ COWARD _

_ just like your fath _

Finally, he turned around and bellowed at a wall, illuminated by the moon shining through the window, “ _ Why must you taunt me _ ?”

Silence.

Aleister’s shoulders sagged, and he felt a sticky wetness on his cheeks, beginning to drip down his chin. His knees hit the carpet softly as his head fell forward and onto the edge of his bed.

“I… I am aware... of how possible it is- that it's- unlikely that she isn't-” Aleister’s choppy sentences were muffled by the comforter pressed up against his face. “But… but I  _ do not care _ . I do not care about. About…  _ reason  _ right now. I refuse to believe she is gone, even though. Despite… part of me knowing that she likely is.”

Aleister lifted his head, tear stains on his cheeks glowing in the moonlight. “ _ Sleep deprivation _ ,” He muttered to himself with a halfhearted scowl, roughly drying his face with his sleeve. “I’ve been up for far too long. My mind won’t be of any use if I don’t- if I don’t get rest. And Heaven knows I’m the only one left with a  _ functional  _ one, now.” And with a sigh, he slowly stood up and stiffly crawled onto his bed, not even bothering to go under the covers. Aleister then turned on his side to face the window, gazing out at the moon pensively.

“I suppose… I suppose that it was too good to be true.” He said to himself. “For.. for someone to love me.” He let out a harsh chuckle. “ _ Me  _ , of all people.”

“Intelligent. Kind. Perceptive. Thoughtful. Hard-working.” Aleister tapped an out-stretched finger with each word.”And then… there is me.” His hand fell back down to the bed, limp. “I never deserved her. And she doesn’t deserve…” Aleister gazed out at the treetops that poked up into the window’s view as he trailed off. “She should’ve left the island. Should’ve- been able to have a life. Maybe with…” He sighed, cutting himself off again. “What a fool I am.” The pale-haired man murmured.

He closed his eyes, and immediately his mind began to flash with images of Grace- Grace at the pool with him and the others, staring at the tree in utter awe, the sun giving her hair a reddish glow. Grace saying goodbye before setting off with Bridget and Sean and the others- Grace saying goodbye to him,  _ hugging  _ him, head pressed snugly against his chest. Grace in the rooftop garden, galaxies shining in her eyes and maybe a little something else. Grace on the roof again, now  _ definitely  _ with that something else in her eyes as she stands up on her tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek. Grace alone with him in her room, warm and soft and bright and giggly and a little bit shy and very very very close and- Aleister's cheeks bloomed with colour as he quickly put an end to  _ that  _ flashback.

He sighed, turning onto his back as he opened his eyes again. “What a fool I was,” Aleister repeated. “To think that I could be…  _ happy  _ . How could I think that, after all this time, that perhaps life would finally take pity on me and let me have… this one thing? This one person?"

“If you just... took her away from  _ me  _ , perhaps that I could tolerate.” At this point, Aleister wasn’t quite sure who he was talking to anymore as he gazed up at the roof, mind conjuring patterns on the ceiling. “But,  _ this  _ …? To take her away from the entire world? She was meant for- for  _ so much  _ . Someone of her intelligence, both emotional and intellectual… she could’ve done great things. She didn’t deserve to die on this…  _ this hellhole  _ my devil of a father has created. And if she isn't dead- well, I doubt she’ll be well off after what she is probably experiencing right now. Torture, abuse…” He shuddered. “If the universe has it out for me, so be it. But why must others pay the price?”

“I.. I never even got to..” He felt tears begin to drip from his eyes again, pooling on his pillow. He scowled, scraping his face with the comforter sluggishly, before taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

“She was the first person to truly…  _ understand  _ me,  _ accept  _ me.” Aleister looked over at the moon again as he spoke carefully. “Not even my  _ own father  _ ever did that, or even  _ attempted  _ to do so. Beautiful, and intelligent, and actually somewhat fond of me… what a fool I was to think that it could last. Is this what I get for being so arrogant?”

No response.

Well, Aleister wasn’t quite sure what he expected- if he thought the moon would spawn a mouth and bestow upon him some much-needed words of wisdom.

The man barely held back a yawn as he felt the tension unwillingly leak out of his body, and he sighed, eyelids fluttering.

“I never even got to tell her,” Aleister murmured softly, “That I love her…”

Then, his eyes finally fell shut.

Aleister woke up a few hours later to find the sun streaming through the window. He squinted, sitting up as he attempted to recall hazy details of his dream- the first in a long time- though the only images he could conjure up were vague splotches of orange.  Then, the previous day’s events caught up with him as his eyes widened, almost comically.

_ Grace. Watchers. Portal.  _ **_Grace._ **

Aleister leapt out of bed, rushed over to the desk, and, filled with a newfound vigor, ripped up his previous outline and began to construct a new one. His eyes were narrowed in concentration, yet glimmered with a rarely-seen emotion; hope. Though Aleister could barely remember his dream, it must've been particularly inspiring for him to wake up in such a mood.

As he wrote, Aleister made a vow to himself; he would find Grace. Alive.


End file.
